Happy Place

+++ I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car +++ I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. +++ The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. +++ Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak +++ Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. +++ If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? +++ If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments +++ Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. +++ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? +++ Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. +++ Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. +++ Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. +++ Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. +++ A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."